And NOW....for something totally different!

WHEN THE OLD FASHIONED WAY IS IMPOSSIBLE

Experienced by Higgins Finch-Cirtwell

Higgins is CH Zhiggins Goral White Star z Banciarni and is owned by Merrilee and Jeff Cirtwell in Orlando, Florida

I’m writing this for all you guy PONs out there so you know what can happen to you. It’s not a bad thing…just different.

Not too long ago my Mom told me that this beautiful PON named Maggie was in love with me   and that we were going to get married and have baby PONs. I was a little skeptical as this would be my 4th wife, but if my Mom said it was OK, who am I to argue?

“So, where is she ?” Mom said that she lived in Oklahoma. “So, when is she coming to Florida, or are we going to Oklahoma?” Mom said that she wasn’t coming and we weren’t going because it was too hot to fly. “Correct me here, if I’m wrong, but don’t we have to get kind of intimate to have baby PONs?” Mom said that normally that was the case but we were going to do what they call Fresh Chilled Semen and overnight it to Oklahoma. Sounded like we were sending some kind of fancy gourmet appetizer to use for a Chamber of Commerce Breakfast the next morning. “So, how are we going to do this?” I was starting to have some pretty weird visuals. Mom said we were going to go visit Dr. Mary and that she would take care of it all. This was good news as I really have a crush on Dr. Mary, but, that’s another story.

When we got to Dr. Mary’s we went into this room they called the Breeding Room. Let me tell you there was a rug in there that had smells you wouldn’t believe!! I felt like I was in a doggy bordello…not that I’ve ever been to one. I looked around the room, after I picked my nose up off the rug, and saw my Mom and Dad and Dr. Mary. “So, where’s the girl?” I heard Dr. Mary say they couldn’t find a teaser bitch. (which I thought was a bad word.)

Next thing I know, Dr. Mary is “touching me down there.” Whoa, wait a minute, that’s not right! My Mom and Dad are here, are you crazy? Oh no, you can’t touch me there! Dr. Mary laughed and said let me go see if I can find a girl for him to smell. Next thing I know, she walks in the room with the ugliest female I’ve ever seen. She was fat and short and smelled horrible. On top of that she was snorting! They said she was a Bulldog. I looked at them like they were all demented. If you think I’m going to get turned on by this, you are very wrong! I do not do ugly!! So, Dr. Mary said let me make a few calls.

About an hour later we all go back in the room and this time this lady walks in with a very tiny crate and she takes out a 9 pound toy fox terrier . They held her back end up to my nose and, I have to admit, it did smell intriguing, but then this poor little terrier turned around and saw the size of me and I thought her eyes were going to pop out of her head. She started shaking all over. I tried to tell her it was just pretend when Dr. Mary started messing with me “down there” again. “Cut that out. You’re not supposed to touch me there. Oh man, my Mom is watching. Whoa! Holy Moley!! Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh……Ahhhh. Oh dear, do you think I’m going to go blind?

Before I knew it Dr. Mary had this little vial full of “stuff” from me and she was checking it under a microscope for swimmers or floaters or something like that. She said everybody was moving and there were a lot of them. Sounds like I had bugs or something. So, they boxed it up and called UPS. Then she said we’ll see you day after tomorrow to do all this again. “Dr. Mary,would you get me somebody pretty this time?”

Well, next time, she wasn’t pretty and she had a head the size of my body. She was a 180 pound Mastiff!! “Lordy, how am I even going to get up near that thing to smell it?” This time, I was afraid she’d turn around and see me smelling her private parts and sit on my head and I’d suffocate under there. So, when Dr. Mary touched me I was ready to make a contribution real fast and get out of that room. I think they call it a quickie. All in all, it was a pretty interesting exercise. Anybody got a cigarette?